dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
