Jerry, you need to find god
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
