wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
