Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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