woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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