i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
