Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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