I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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