just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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