I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
