Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
