Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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