i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
