Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
