Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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