i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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