I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was born a porn star she said
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
