Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
