The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
