So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
