im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
