just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
