Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Randomize
