Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
