Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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