I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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