Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
