we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Success! We fucked roommates!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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