No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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