i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
