I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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