ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
