Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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