I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
