dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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