so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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