Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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