His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
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the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
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she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize