I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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