I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Michael Bay diarrhea
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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