If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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