He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it