the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.