What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
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Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
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I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.