Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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