Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
