Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
