her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize