you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
