I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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