Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
