so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
