Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
the condom got lost in my hair
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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