if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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