yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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