If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
