I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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