I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Randomize
