Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
