ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
