You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
