You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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