were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
