Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
