he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
