apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
