she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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