Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
