ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
this beer tastes like vomit already
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
