i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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