i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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