matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
